:B

It's getting to the point where I actually dread coming home. It's like my whole family went into some sort of coma ever since my aunt died, especially my mom. She's grown abusive and short-tempered towards me now more than ever. Not a day goes by where she doesn't scream at me for something. I mean, I myself have't changed, i'm still as lazy and dorky as ever around her, and she never used to really mind that before the accident. And i've tried to change (and i think i actually have become more responsible.) but it's just not cutting it for her. i'm doing everything I can, doing my part, but idk, it's not working I guess. Not to mention my grandmother makes me very nervous/paranoid because i keep getting the feeling that she's bound to fall again or something. i'm really squeamish, so I cant stand to look at that stuff or even think about it, but that's justhow I feel everyday because she's home all the time. And I feel that if anything should happen to her, like if she falls again, my mom's going to blame me.

i seriously think my mom is suffering from some minor mental illness or something. She's very paranoid/freaky. It's been five months since the accident, but she acts like it just happened last week. then again everyone does. I don't think any of us are going to get over it. the other day she literally beat me up for something stupid. She freaked out completely. she thinks I dropped our puppy, but I didn't. she cares more about that dog than anything. my older sister was there with me and knows I didn't do it. my mom screamed at me and didn't listen to me when i said I didn't do it, nor did she listen to my sister when she tried to help. Idk, it's just making me feel all...eh.

Then, last night, my stepmom drove my dad to the hospital because he was on the verge of having a heart attack. He didn't, but the doctors did say he had an irregular heartbeat due to all the medications he's taking. They said he'd be fine.

Tonight he's gotten worse. Or, at least it seems like it. He can't sit still. He says he's really hot but the rest of us are actually cold. He keeps getting up every 5 seconds to either go outside for some air or go to the bathroom, and every time he comes back, he's holding onto his chest. I ask him if he's alright. He keeps saying he is, but I know he's not. He even admitted that he was scared. I asked him if he needed to go to the E.R. He says no. He keeps refusing each time I ask him to let me drive him down. I'm getting scared, and I'm scared for him, and I don't know what to do because he won't let me do ANYTHING.

anyways, long story short, I can't take this feeling anymore. im sick of coming home to this every day. it's very stressful. And even though summer vacation's right around the corner, I think i'd feel even worse staying here every day for my vacation. I don't know where I'd go. My dad makes me nervous just as much as my mom does. I think maybe one of my friends would let me stay with them, i'm not sure, but i can't take this feeling anymore, it's gotten so much worse.

I'm in over my head here. and I know. I know half of you are probably thinking "SHUT UP. THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE IT WAY WORSE THAN YOU" or "MY LIFE SUCKS MORE THAN YOURS YOU SPOILED BRAT" but I'll just tell you here and now, I do not care. this is my current situation, not yours, so shut up about it if you feel the need to complain.

the end btw